The Glass
by Tanya Reed
Summary: CC deals with both temptation and fear. Takes place after the finale.


CC sat staring at the glass. The amber liquid inside called to her like an old lover, its voice almost overwhelmingly tempting.

She had been staring at it for so long that the ice had melted and drops of water had stopped sliding slowly down the outside to pool on the table. Its call was strong, but she hadn't so much as touched it since she'd placed it down in front of her. It hurt to look at, the tug on her insides almost torture, but CC couldn't turn away.

For almost ten years, it had been the most important thing in her life. It had been with her through her relentless pursuit of Maxwell, and it had seen her through pain, loneliness, and even madness. At times, it had been her only friend.

After her internment in The Place, CC had reduced her intake because it did funny things to her when combined with her medication, and after her relationship had started with Niles, her use had fallen off even more. Alcohol had been her friend when she was sad, and it filled in the places she wanted to ignore that were empty. With Niles, the urge mostly went away, except in times of great stress, because she wasn't unhappy anymore. For the first time in her memory, CC was truly happy, and the past seven months had seemed like some sort of dream. Most of the time, CC even forgot that her old friend, alcohol, existed.

But then there were days like today, days when the fear she held in the back of her mind came rushing in. Alcohol was the source of her fear and, ironically, alcohol was the tool she wanted to use to hide from it.

CC's hand went to her belly, and she ran a hand over it protectively. She had never told Niles, but she was terribly afraid her drinking had hurt their baby. It had been sporadic and light, but it had been there for two months before CC had known she was pregnant. When she found out, she stopped immediately, but there was no way to know if it had been soon enough.

How would she ever be able to forgive herself if there was something wrong with her child? How could Niles ever forgive her?

'I can help,' the liquid in front of her taunted. 'Together, we can forget.'

Without thinking, CC reached out and touched the rim of the glass. It was cool against her skin and whispered persuasive promises. Even though she knew how false those promises were, it was difficult to shut them out.

Still, CC was known for her stubborn will, and she was known for her relentless pursuit of her goals. Right now, her biggest goal was to protect her child at all costs.

CC snatched back her hand and glared at the glass, wishing it would shatter into a million pieces. When she'd found out she was pregnant—just mere hours after stress had forced her to drink from a flask she used to keep in her purse—she swore she would never touch another drop. She intended to keep that promise to her child, and every night after Niles went to sleep she prayed that her baby would be born healthy. If there was anyone up there, He—or She—was probably laughing at the desperate pleadings of a non-believer, but CC would do anything, she would try anything.

And that's why this small battle of wills could only end one way.

Rising from the table, CC picked up the glass. It was smooth against her skin, and she hated the comforting familiarity of the feeling. Her hand spasmed and she almost dropped it. Her other hand once more went to her belly and she felt a new, different kind of comfort.

With determination, she marched to the sink and tipped the glass. Liquid splashed out and disappeared down the drain. It jerked a little with the shaking of her hand.

"What are you doing?"

The voice was so unexpected that CC jumped and dropped the glass. It clinked loudly in the sink but didn't break.

"Niles!"

He was standing in the doorway with his arms crossed. CC tensed as she studied his posture but some of the tension eased when her eyes met his. He didn't look angry. His expression was more concerned.

"How long have you been standing there?" she asked quietly.

"Long enough."

"Then you saw..."

"Yes, but I also saw that you didn't drink it." He uncrossed his arms and came into the room. "Is something wrong?"

CC swallowed, afraid to voice her fears. She wasn't used to sharing herself that way and even though she loved and trusted Niles, she couldn't help but wonder what his reaction would be. Would he turn from her? Would he hate her? Worse, would she see disappointment in his eyes?

"Have you been drinking?" he asked gently, more gently than she deserved.

CC shook her head, not quite able to speak yet. Niles approached her and took her hand. Vulnerability wanted her to ask him what exactly he saw in her, why he'd fallen in love with her in the first place, and why he didn't run as fast and as far away as he could.

"CC," his voice was still gentle, "tell me what's wrong, sweetheart."

She squeezed his hand briefly before releasing it and turning away. She couldn't look into his face. He deserved to know, but how could she tell him?

"Now I know there's something wrong."

"It's the alcohol," she blurted.

"Do you need to go to a meeting or something?"

CC's hands curled into fists at her sides. "No."

"I don't understand."

"Our baby, Niles," she whispered, forcing out the words. "What if I hurt our baby?"

"CC?"

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Then she took another. "I drank, Niles."

"When?" he asked flatly, and CC felt heat come to her cheeks.

"Before. In New York...When we didn't know about the baby." She paused, wondering what he was thinking. "I'm sorry."

She heard Niles sigh an instant before she felt his hand on her shoulder. "You didn't know."

"But I should have. I just didn't think there was any possibility...If there's something wrong with our baby, what am I going to do?"

"Hey." He carefully turned her, and CC avoided his face. "Look at me."

"I can't."

His hand cupped her cheek. It was warm and calloused and the touch was enough to force her gaze to his.

"You didn't know," he repeated.

"Can you ever forgive me?" The words tumbled out, so soft they barely had sound.

"I love you," he said simply.

"But..."

"You didn't willfully try to hurt our child, did you? Have you had any alcohol or cigarettes since we moved to California?"

"Of course not!"

"But you've been tempted?"

She broke from him. "I will never drink again."

He was silent for several seconds before he said, "Okay, then. There is nothing to forgive."

"What if...?"

"We'll deal with it."

She bit her lip.

"What is it?"

"I'm afraid," she admitted reluctantly.

"Will you love our baby any less if he or she is born with problems?" His eyes pinned her and seemed to burn into her skin.

Instead of blurting out a reflex response, CC thought about it. She thought about the baby growing in her womb. She thought about the love she already had for her or him. CC had never thought of herself as maternal before, but she had already decided that her child would have all the things she hadn't, including two loving parents.

"No."

Niles's expression softened and a small smile came to his face. "Then that's all that matters. Don't go borrowing trouble. Chances are that the baby will be just fine."

His words soothed her. She was still worried, but some of the sharpness had gone out of it. She realized that she should have talked to Niles about her fears when they first started to surface.

"You okay?" he asked.

"You're not going to leave?"

He frowned. "Why would I leave?"

"The baby..."

"I love him as much as you do. Nothing's going to change that." He searched her face before opening his arms. "Come here."

She went into them willingly, enjoying the feeling of his body welcoming hers. Niles hugged her tightly and the warmth of well being wrapped around her. She relaxed and breathed deeply. His scent had always been one of comfort, even in the long years when they did nothing but fight.

Niles was right. There was nothing she could do about the past. It was time for her to put a string of bad choices behind her. A better life waited in front of her, and she needed to let go of her fear and embrace it. It was going to be wonderful, not because bad things wouldn't happen, but because, for the first time in her life, she had someone to share the bad times with.


End file.
